62 Thoughts Everyone Has on a Cruise

Yep, we've all been there.

June 17, 2016

File this under “so relatable.”

Cruise Ship
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  • Pay to park? Why isn’t this included in the cruise price? That’s not even fair.
  • And this is why I sneak booze in…to save money that I have to spend for parking.
  • This Listerine bottle better work. I spent 4 hours mixing the perfect color for it last night. If only they taught that in chemistry class.
  • Yes, I really do need all that mouthwash, I have halitosis okay?
  • Mission accomplished. I AM A NINJA. A VODKA NINJA.
  • There are way too many people here. Are they all going to fit on the ship?
  • How does this ship even float with all those people on it?
  • Welcome aboard! Vacation starts now!
  • Can I go to the bow of the ship like Leo in Titanic?
  • And will Leo be there? Because it’ll only be worth it if he is.
Cruise Ice Cream Cone
62 Thoughts Everyone Has on a Cruise Shutterstock
  • Do those 80’s style wrist band things really prevent seasickness?
  • Am I queasy? I’m definitely queasy.
  • Just waiting on my sea legs to come in. I sound like such a sailor when I say that.
  • Or maybe a pirate.
  • I should probably talk like a pirate during the entire cruise.
  • Ahoy matey! I wonder how many free ice cream cones I can eat today?
  • Six. The answer is six. Definitely not wearing a bikini tomorrow.
  • Maybe I can exercise or something.
  • 47 laps around the deck = one mile? Nope.
  • If I’m eating dinner with the captain, who’s driving the ship?
  • I’m totally going to get up early tomorrow to snag a chair by the pool.
  • How did I already miss breakfast? Pizza it is!
  • Of course there are no more pool chairs left. Did everyone wake up at sunrise or did they just stake out their spot late last night?
  • Oooh, I should play shuffle board.
  • How does one actually play shuffle board?
  • Why is the waterslide for kids only?
  • I’m basically a kid, right? I’ll just hunch over so they don’t see how tall I am.
  • Worst. Wedgie. Ever.
cruise drinks | 62 thoughts on a cruise
Pricey, but delish. Shutterstock
  • Drink of the day for $14? What do you think I am, a billionaire?
  • Ugh, but the vodka is in my room and this comes in a SOUVENIR GLASS. That’s basically like a free gift.
  • I deserve this. And it’s so hot out.
  • Holy cow, that is delicious! Another!
  • What if I get really drunk and fall overboard?
  • Do those round lifesaver things really work?
  • I wonder if they sell Lifesavers in the duty-free gift shop.
  • And why don’t they make a roll of all red Lifesavers. Because those clearly are the best flavor.
Cruise Towel Animal
62 Thoughts Everyone Has on a Cruise Shutterstock
  • What the heck is that towel animal supposed to be, a bear?
  • A dog. Definitely a dog.
  • Better take a picture for Facebook so I can post it next week when I get Wifi again.
  • Only four hours at this port. Better make it count.
  • Forget the excursions, I want to immerse myself in the local culture.
  • Should I get hair braids? I can totally rock hair braids. I’m basically an islander already. Yeah mon!
  • I look ridiculous.
  • What if I miss the boat?
  • I’m pretty sure it leaves at 3:00. Or was it 2:00?
  • I better start running.
  • I’m going to have to live on this island by myself and start a new life and live off seaweed and crabs and lasso them with my hair braids.
  • And there’s the port. Guess I wasn’t that far.
Tropical Cruise
62 Thoughts Everyone Has on a Cruise Shutterstock
  • I wish I had my sunglasses.
  • Oh right. The elephant in my room is still wearing them.
  • Early bedtime tonight. I’m getting the first chair. And the first ice cream cone.
  • I’ll just take the stairs to burn off the calories.
  • No way. I’m on vacation. The elevator was made for vacations.
  • I can’t believe the week is over already! Why do I have to leave my bag in the hallway tonight?
  • What if someone takes all my dirty clothes? I mean, that would be weird.
  • I’m not ready to leave.
  • I literally can’t walk on land. I have no land legs.
  • Don’t mind me, just walking with swag.
  • I actually gained 5 pounds from this cruise, and now I’m wobbling it everywhere when I walk.
  • Eh, the extra weight is probably just from the beads in my hair braids.
  • Looks like all my dirty clothes arrived safely!
  • I can’t wait to go on another cruise.

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