This Highly Common Boomer Cruise Habit Hits Gen Z's Last Nerve (And We Don't Blame Them)

When the Pulitzer Prize-winning poet Mary Oliver wrote, "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?," she probably wasn't thinking "filling it with intrusive questions from strangers on a cruise." But for many boomers, this is exactly what they plan to do. And it has hit Gen Z's last nerve, as younger travelers are fed up with the "small talk" that feels like an unwelcome interrogation on their cruise trips.

Although millennials are currently dominating the cruise market, cruise ships are still a hotbed of those born in the post-war years from 1946 to 1964. Since more Gen Zers and millennials are taking cruises, there's a greater likelihood of butting heads because of generational differences. One of the main points of contention is communication, as interacting with others is at the heart of the cruise experience. But what some boomers consider to be small talk ("Why aren't you married?" or "Here's what I think about your hometown"), Gen Z sees as unasked-for and invasive questions and opinions. Ironically, despite complaints that the original online generation lacks social skills, boomers are the ones who seem to be missing them here, as what passes for their small talk would make Dear Abby clutch her pearls in horror.

Reddit is ripe with examples of this behavior, like this user expressing frustration about being on a cruise and frequently encountering boomer "'small talk' which is really just a nosy interrogation of personal details." Whether you're waiting for the elevator, standing in line at the buffet, or going on an excursion, you'll meet plenty of people on a cruise, which makes this highly common boomer habit a near inevitability. Ultimately, the frustration is in the nature of the questions themselves, which many find to be inappropriate.

Cruises need small talk because it's an important way to build a bigger conversation and sense of community. According to mind coach Alison Blackler (via the Huffington Post), it functions as "a ritualized form of diplomacy" to establish harmony and connection. In the mid-20th century in the U.S., small talk was an essential part of life in the suburbs and corporate America. It was the way that young boomers learned to engage with others "properly" in public spaces.

However, that politeness has morphed into the opposite, as boomer small talk has turned into asking invasive questions without necessarily being interested in the answer. This type of interaction is called "boomerasking," referring to the boomerang effect of asking a question just to be asked one in return, so you can speak (per the Guardian). These conversation starters are not really about the other person at all, although of course, it's not just limited to boomers. As this Reddit thread notes, boomer small talk has become a "worrisome" way of prying into someone's life in order to express often offensive beliefs about identity and politics that the other person didn't ask for. 

When you're relaxing on the lido deck, enjoying a refreshing drink or a dip in the pool, perhaps the last thing you want is to get into an upsetting conversation. But that's what boomer small talk can do, as these personal questions may carry baggage for the recipient. What if you ask someone you've just met about why they don't have kids, and unbeknownst to you, they have fertility issues? That seemingly innocuous question can ruin their day. While avoiding these subjects isn't an unspoken cruise ship rule for first-timers, it's important to consider the way small talk can isolate the other person rather than connect.

The issue isn't asking questions. Questions are good! How else can we be curious about others? But the rub with boomer small talk is that it is not rooted in curiosity. If you ask someone why they're not married and then tell them why they should be, there isn't a real interest in them. Instead, it's about an agenda. As the New York Times says, it's a "predatory curiosity" that squeezes someone into your worldview.

So, how do you deal with boomer small talk on a cruise? First, decide if you want to answer the question. The New York Times suggests saying, "I'd rather not talk about it," to gently but firmly shut down any topic. If you do answer, the Etiquette School of America recommends a "because" answer to a "why" question. If someone asks why you don't have kids, you don't have to get into intimate details, but instead offer a reason like, "Because I don't," to satisfy their query. Some on Reddit respond with honest answers to highlight how intrusive the original question was. To really avoid these conversations, you could always book a trip on one of the best cruise lines for young adults.

For boomers, it's not about avoiding Gen Zers on cruises. It's about opening up the interaction to the other person, rather than closing it back onto yourself. Before asking a personal question, ask yourself: Am I really curious about this person? Or is there something possibly unrecognizable (and therefore uncomfortable) about them that I must understand on my own terms? If it's the former, consider letting go of "why," as it can carry judgment rather than curiosity. Instead, let them offer information first rather than making assumptions about their life. Start small and build on it if there's a connection. After all, that's the power of good, old-fashioned small talk.